Tips for an Online Shiva

Offering an online option for shiva allows people to be present for the mourners when they cannot be there in person. Here are some suggestions to make the gathering work as smoothly as possible.

1. Designate someone to serve as a leader. Facilitating shiva online is not the same as gathering in someone’s home and it’s good to have someone who can take the lead. 

  • The leader can be in charge of calling on people, structuring the gathering, giving the family and others time to share stories, and make sure people aren’t talking at the same time.

2. Designate another person to serve as the tech host. Make sure they are comfortable with the platform, can manage the chat, and address any technical issues. 

  • If the mourners will need help navigating technology, assign someone to be physically present with them to help.

Facilitation tips:

During shiva, the host should remind people to mute themselves to minimize background noise. 

Singing online is notoriously difficult to manage. Either embrace the cacophony of voices, or assign a leader to sing on behalf of the entire group while everyone else is on mute. 

Ask the family if they wish to record the shiva. For privacy reasons, some families may prefer not to record this intimate gathering, while others might appreciate having a recording of the shared stories and memories.

3. Set up a video link that will be the same URL (link) for each shiva gathering throughout the week. You have a few options: 

  • Google Meet is completely free for all users with no time limits. Whoever sets up the event must have a Google account. The video links are “reusable” for multiple meetings by default. Attendees can join a Google Meet shiva on their computer browser without installing any special software or they can download the free Google Meet app on their phone.  

  • Zoom offers a free option for 40-minutes, or unlimited time for paid accounts. Be sure to create a recurring meeting so that everyone can click on the same link each day. These meetings can be joined by phone or through the zoom app on a mobile device, as well as through a computer browser.

  • Whichever technology you choose, check the security settings and consider adding a password or waiting room feature to manage who is able to access the room. 

4. Create a Shiva Circle page at www.sit.shivacircle.org with events for each day you are sitting shiva so everyone knows the schedule. Specify the times the mourners will be available to receive “visitors” online, and at what times people will gather to say prayers. 

5. Just as with an in-person shiva, an online gathering is an opportunity to provide comfort to the mourners. During shiva, people may wish to: 

  • Share stories or memories.

  • Share digital or physical copies of photos. 

  • Play music loved by the person who has died. 

  • Say kaddish together. Here are a few online versions of the Mourner’s Kaddish that can be shared on the screen or ahead of time for printing: